I Confess (Open)

[Theodore Maro Nott]

Don’t push me away

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I don’t think I can take it
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Theodore Maro Nott was not the kind of person to lie on the ground and allow himself to get dirty. He was not the type of person to be outside, generally. He liked the places he lurked around. He didn’t like the Great Lake. It attracted all sorts of people. People he generally wouldn’t associate himself with. On top of that, there was snow all over the ground. It was freezing outside. He hated being cold. He hated lying in the snow. He always seemed to be that much paler. He didn’t know what made him think to stand up and put on enough clothes to keep him from freezing before heading down to the lake merely to lay down on the ground a couple of meters away. He had an idea to walk along the lake if it was frozen enough, but, unfortunately, it wasn’t. So, he was lying in the snow and wasn’t even afraid to admit, if one looked out of the castle, that they’d find him immediately.

He was wearing black shoes with long black socks to keep himself warm. He was wearing heavy black trousers, which he didn’t enjoy as he thought they made him slump slightly. He was wearing a long sleeved black button up shirt with a white muscle shirt underneath and a dark green tie with a silver line running through its sides. He also had a heavy black coat buttoned up so that he couldn’t, really, feel the snow anywhere but on the back of his neck. He had decided on wearing black gloves, as his hands had nearly frozen off the last time he had decided to run outside without them. And, to top the outfit off, he had a black fur hat to keep him warm and a black scarf. Basically, he was wearing almost all black. He stood out against the snow. His outfit probably didn’t help him seem less pale, but he didn’t exactly care at the moment.

Theo was too busy recalling his past conversations. There was the one with Lilly at Three Broomsticks-it was his most recent conversation. He winced when he recalled how he had managed to tell her his secret. The conversation didn’t, exactly, go the way he wanted it to go. In fact, it went the complete opposite way. On the other hand, he was just glad he had managed to tell someone before he burst, and he knew his secret was safe with Lilly. He knew she wouldn’t go around and tell anyone else. A wry smile managed to make its way onto his lips as he thought about his not so recent conversation with an older Ravenclaw. He had never considered himself silly before. But, after his talk with Rilen, he had never felt more embarrassed to be how he was. Sure, the thought had occurred to him to pick up Christina and run away. He certainly had enough money in his private account to be able to live for a while, but he would need to get a job eventually. Especially since his father wasn’t going to be prone to let him just leave.

So, he needed to think of a plan. But, he couldn’t do any of that until the end of term. He had plenty of time to think of a full-proof strategy to keep both him and his younger sister self. He could probably talk to Professor Snape about this, too, although he loathed the idea of asking for help. But, before he could do any of that, he needed to talk to his supposed best friends. Supposed merely because he didn’t know how they would react to anything he had to tell them. So, Theo sighed and lifted his head so that he could smack it against the ground once more. He just wished he could confess it all.

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Tagged;;

[/font][/color] Open
Words;;[/font][/color] 644
Notes;;[/font][/color] Uhm. Nothing so far.[/center]

[ALIAH ISABELLA EVANS]

Aliah was bored, and had far too much free time. Still being the holidays, not all of the student population was back, and so classes weren't running, which gave any student that happened to have returned early an endless sense of boredom that followed them about like a black cloud. But outside, it was snowing, and she simply loved the snow, and therefore couldn't resist the chance to go for a walk in the sub-zero temperatures that had frightened off many of her fellow students.

She'd descended from her common room, after pulling on her black skinny jeans, a pair of black (well waterproofed) hi-top converse, and then on top of her dove grey long sleeved tee she'd thrown a red cardigan and a cobalt blue pea-coat. It was one of her most colourful items of clothing, and she loved it dearly. She didn't see the need for a hat, but she did throw a grey scarf over her shoulder as she pushed open the doors of the Great Hall and stepped out into the snow, involuntarily taking a gasp of air as a cold wind suddenly buffeted her face, whipping her hair about as she moved through the courtyard to the bridge spanning the moat that led to the grounds.

Kicking snow up merrily as she went, she shoved her hands in her pockets and hummed to herself as she walked. Where there was snow underfoot, her feet crunched softly and she took an almost childish delight in leaving a set of footprints behind her. Below her, as the walked across the bridge, she could see that the cloud-covered sky had softened the light, and so the normally gleaming ripples on the surface of the lake were reduced to a surface as smooth and black as polished obsidian. Yet, here and there, small ripples could be seen as the inhabitants of the lake went about their lives unaffected by the freezing temperatures in the world above.

She'd also headed down to the Lake as she had a holiday homework paper for Care of Magical Creatures due, and her topic was Merpeople, and so she'd spent a few hours in the week sitting still and silently on a small rock protruding out into the deeper, darker parts of the lake, watching the mermaids as they frolicked about the coral. How a lake that came close to freezing half of the year could sustain coral, she had no idea, but after staying well away from the small, curled up girl on the rock, they'd become curious and she'd been able to to tempt some of them up onto a neighbouring rock using shells she'd collected from another part of the lake. Whether it would have any astounding effect on her paper, this close oberservation, she had no idea, but it was good to be doing something.

So in her jeans pocket sat a small piece of smooth mother of pearl, as she descened carefully down a snowy slope leading to her favourite part of lake-shore. It took care and attention not to fall or slip, there was no visible pathway and there was always the danger of rocks or hollows or fallen branches lurking beneath the blanket of snow. Also, the wind was howling on this small area where there wasn't much tree cover, and it was more than once that Aliah nearly stumbled, throwing her hands out for balance.

She finally reached the flatter area, sheltered by some sparse evergreens, that opened out onto the shore of the lake. She scanned the water, noticing a fallen tree whose thickest branch was partially submerged and protruded a way out into the water that would be ideal for sitting on. She turned to meander her way down the last little bit of slope, finding a fairly clear path down this last section. She took a step forward before halting with one arm out against a branch, a small frown flitting across her features. A figure was crouched in the snow, digging, perhaps? or tying their shoe laces. However, a closer look revealed that the figure was, indeed, just lying in the snow. Craning her neck forward, further scrutiny showed that he was still breathing and seemed un injured, so she raised an eyebrow, taking another step and feeling her left foot slip a little. Grabbing onto the branch, which creaked, she had no doubt the noise had alerted the boy to her presence.

'Oh, sorry, er....what are you doing? she asked, tilting her head to the side and momentarily forgetting about her mermaid mission in the face of such an unexpected encounter.

[Theodore Maro Nott]

Why don’t you

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save me from myself?
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Theo closed his eyes. He wondered why there weren’t more people outside. Sure, it was cold. He could already feel his face turning a bit pink, which nearly made him sneer to himself. But, the snow was…well, fun. Sure, he wouldn’t be caught dead playing in it. He was above that. He did that sort of foolishness back in first and second year, but never again. Then again, he mused, he was lying in the snow with nothing to do. He could be out doing something productive with his life, but, instead, he was just lying there. He supposed he was waiting for the end. The end of the life he knew. Once he told Blaise, Draco, and Pansy…then he would be doomed.

At least he was already half planning on not coming back next year. Depending on their reaction, he might really not come back. He was sure he would be able to come up with some sort of plan to get money for himself and Christina. If all else failed, and he would only do this as a last resort, he figured he could always go to Dumbledore and ask for sanctuary. He hated the idea with a passion. He’d sooner jump off a broom while it’s in the air and try to land head first than ask the headmaster for any type of protection. Sure, the professor was supposed to be working for the good side. And, he probably was doing that to the best of his ability, but Theo didn’t trust him anymore than he could throw him. It had taken him how long to trust Lilly and Blaise? There was just no way would he go to Dumbledore unless there was absolutely nothing he could do. And, that was only after he went to Snape.

Then again, this was the man he had seen at his house before. He wasn’t quite sure where his head of house’s loyalties lay. Theo scratched at his cheek angrily. He didn’t even know what side anyone was on nowadays. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. He knew, from his conversation with Lilly, that she was against the Dark Lord. And, he also knew where Harry Potter and his sidekicks stood. Maybe…no, he shook his head with disgust and nearly lifted it to slam it back into the ground once more. It was a bloody pain to so much as think he would have to go to the bloody trio to ask for their help. There was nothing in the world, absolutely nothing, that would make him be that desperate.

No, he couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t do it. Even though Christina’s soft, laughing face appeared in his mind, he couldn’t bring himself to ask Potter for help. He’d sooner kill himself off. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself. He felt sick to the stomach just thinking about it. Sighing dramatically, he sat up in the snow and brushed it off his arms. If he continued to lay there for too long of a time, he was sure he was going to get sick. And, even though they were currently on a holiday, the end of that holiday was fast approaching and he didn’t want to be the one coughing in class. He’d be coughing because Theo was too proud to visit the Hospital Wing. With his luck, he would have to be there for a period of time.

Theo blinked as he turned his head to look at the lake with a bored expression on his face. He hated the lake. There was so much…filth to it. Sure, it would be nice to look at when it was WARM outside, especially if there was some sort of sunset. He whistled softly. That would be a pretty view. Silently, he groaned to himself and let himself fall back into the snow. Was he seriously thinking of pretty views? He wondered about himself. A couple of weeks ago, he’d probably punish himself somehow for thinking things like that. But, lately, he had just been letting things go and accepting himself. He had to admit, it felt nice not to hate himself every moment of every day. He could even deal with his ‘friends’ that really weren’t his ‘friends’ at all talking about girls he honestly thought the world would be better without and not feeling guilty about it.

And, although he would never mention it to anyone if they ever asked him, he had even begun listening to some muggle music. He didn’t get how to work the blasted rodeo thing, or whatever it was called, but he had seen some muggleborn Hufflepuffs messing with one. He had watched them while they turned it on, changed songs several times, and turned it off. He didn’t know which buttons to push, really, but he had fun experimenting. Of course, the radio he had bought was currently lying buried under all of his clothes in his trunk where he was going to keep it there. He would not, for the life of him, pick it up from its spot again. He had almost been caught with it last time, and it was something he didn’t care to be caught with.

Suddenly, he heard a noise not too far off from him. Theo considered putting forth the effort to sit up and figure out who it was. But, then, he figured, what would be the point in that .The person had obviously seen him and was obviously going to end up talking to him. They were probably thinking he was bloody mad for lying in the snow as if nothing was bugging him. He smirked as he planned out the conversation that was about to come. He wasn’t foolish. He knew that the person would probably wonder about his mental state, but he didn’t really care. When the person, a girl, did finally speak, he merely turned his head. He grit his teeth together for a second before genuinely smiling. He had already decided a while ago that he was going to stop hiding himself from people. “What does it look like I’m doing, hmm? I’m lying in the snow.”

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Tagged;;

[/font][/color] Aliah
Words;;[/font][/color] 1, 027
Notes;;[/font][/color] Sorry for the scary long post. I had a muse.[/center]

[ALIAH ISABELLA EVANS]

The boy turned and Aliah's eyes flicked over him, taking in as many details as possible. He looked about her age, and she felt that she'd seen him across a classroom before, but couldn't match names to faces, if indeed she knew the boy's name at all. He was certainly dressed for the weather, despite the pink on his face, and at the collar of his coat she could see the faintest peek of emerald green shining at his throat. So she'd hazard a guess at her age, Slytherin. Blinking a way a snowflake that had landed on her eyelashes, she moved down the slope and onto the flat, taking long strides towards the water's edge, where the snow and lake water had frozen to create an icy rim around the shore.

Stepping out onto this ice, she crouched and put two fingers into the water, leaving them there for a second to test the temperature. After about 4 seconds, she yanked them back out and rubbed vigorously - perhaps today wasn't a good day for mer-hunting. She thought of the mother-of-pearl piece in her jeans pocket, and frowed a little, before she turned her face back towards the boy as he replied, raising a dark brow in response to his words.

'Evidently,' she said dryly, shaking her head a little but smiling regardless. Looking up she coud see the winking lights of the castle windows, Every now and again one could see owls fly out of the tower to the left, before they became but specks in the distance or were consumed by the cloud cover. The day in itself wasn't stupidly cold, it was just the wind that seemed to cut to the bone. She sat on a log nearby, picking up a stick and dusting the snow off its length, and used it to poke the thin sheet of ice at the very edge of the lake, enjoying the satisfying crack as it buckled and cracked and melted.

Ceasing her movements, she flicked a glance back at the boy, just randomly lying there in the snow. Not that she hadn't done it herself before, but she wasn't too sure why he was here doing it alone. She usually did it to make snow angels outside the front windows of her grandparents' house to annoy them, and trudge the snow through the living room just to infuriate them further, or when she was hiding and lying in wait during a quiet moment in one of her and her brothers' epic snowfights. Or they'd all hide in the snow if a stray snowball happened to go through the lower floor dining room window, which had happened. Her mouth twitched up at the corners - being punished with staying inside for the rest of the week had been worth it to see Alec's snowball destroy the awful antique vase that sat on the windowsill. Lee didn't think this was at all the reason for the boy's presence.

'Really, why are you lying in the snow?' she said quirking an eyebrow and tilting her head to the side as she did when she was puzzled. Really, he looked about ready to start sniffling, with the pink on his cheeks standing out drastically against his pale skin, made even more shocking by his dark hair. From what she could see, he had colouring like hers, and she wondered for a moment if he had Irish relatives too. Not that it was any of her business, but Aliah was intrigued by these things.

She cast a look back out over the lake to see if their presence had attracted the attention of any of the more curious Lake residents, but as of yet the water's surface remained as smooth as glass. It was eerie, in a way, surrounded by white, white on the ground, white in the sky, and then to have the deep, matte black surface of the lake throwing everything into a strange monochrome. Taking the stick, she levelled its tip in the direction of the boy and grinned.

'Because you'll get sick and have damp clothes for weeks if the snow gets inside your coat, which is not pleasant. Trust me. It's horrible.'

[Theodore Maro Nott]

I haven’t missed you yet

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so remind me of what I’m missing.
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Theo let himself snicker before pushing himself up so that he could sit down. His fingers, despite being in his warm gloves, stung a bit telling him that he obviously needed to move around. He awaited a couple of seconds before getting to his feet and brushing the snow off of himself in a very dignified manner before turning towards the familiar girl with a glint in his eyes. “Haven’t you ever just had a day where you’re sick of lessons, writing, reading, you know, the whole deal?” He asked her with a rather cheerful voice, although it sounded a bit strange to him. He wasn’t used to talking like that. He felt his eye begin to twitch but he covered it up with a rather long blink. He glanced back at the figure he had left in the snow behind him and smirked. It wasn’t a snow angel, but it was good enough.

At least he could tell that it had been him lying in the snow. Had he bothered to move his hands up and down, he would have made a snow angel, but, although he was attempting to break free from the emotionless git his father had caused him to be, he still didn’t think he could ever bring himself to make one of them. He tilted his head thoughtfully before shivering a little. The girl had been partly right, at least. It was very uncomfortable to be standing out in the snow like this. Fortunately for him, he had brought along his wand. He opened his cloak slightly, his eyes darting between his green tie to his wand that was safely placed inside of it. Theo grabbed the wand with his right hand, his wand hand, and quickly cast the hot-air charm. He had to study the charm not too long ago as he generally didn’t like the cold and the dungeons certainly weren’t the warmest place in the world. He smiled to himself as he felt the discomfort instantly leave his body, being replaced with a warmer feeling. He quickly congratulated himself before looking back up at the girl, determined to answer her.

He scratched at his cheek a little nervously before shrugging. “I was bored, you know. None of my friends are exactly around. They’re too busy studying.” He rolled his eye before grinning up at the sky. “Mind you, I’d normally be joining them, but today…well, the lake was empty.” He finished lamely. “It’s usually filled with students that it’s utterly impossible to find a random spot and just…relax.” He felt his eyes glint before turning back to the lake, only turning his body half away from the girl. Really, he had been enjoying himself before she had showed up. Theodore being raised properly, however, let him know that if he mentioned that to her, he had best be ready for a sarcastic remark. And, either way, he was lying to himself. He had not been bloody well enjoying himself. Heck, he had been panicking and was on the verge of jumping into the frozen lake an letting the people of the lake do what they would.

“But, what about you?” He asked, turning his azure eyes toward the girl and focusing his gaze on her. He was certain he had seen her before. She had to be in his year. He couldn’t quite place her house, either. He had made a promise to himself that he wasn’t, exactly, going to be caring about that anymore. It would only lead him back to the path he had previously been on, and he would rather be tortured than go back down that horrible path. “Alright, as much as I’d love to continue this lovely conversation, I don’t feel comfortable doing so without properly introducing myself.” He took in a sharp breath before smiling, bowing his head slightly in the way he was taught to do, and then sticking out his arm. “Theodore Nott, but I’d rather Theo.” He paused for a second, recalling the horrible nick name they had given him for a while back in second year. “Merlin’s beard, I’ll accept Theodore as long as you don’t call me Teddy.”

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Tagged;;

[/font][/color] Aliah
Words;;[/font][/color] 697
Notes;;[/font][/color] Silly little Teddy. (:[/center]

[ALIAH ISABELLA EVANS]

When he jumped up and grabbed his wand she didn't know whether so sit calm or retrieve her own from her coat in self defence, but luckily the boy didn't turn out to be some rabid student hell bent on chasing her off. Her log was quite comfortable, where she'd dusted off the snow to place her behind. She scratched at the snow with her stick, listening to the boy with an amused gleam in her eye that didn't diminish even when a burst of freezing wind shot over her head. The only part of her that was uncomfortably cold was her hands, her poor little fingers were red and so she found a pebble by the lake edge and used her wand, drawn from a special pocket inside her coat, to instill heat into it, putting her wand away and using the pebble as a handwarmer, tossing it back and forth between her palms.

Cheerful chappie, wasn't he? Talkative too. The last person she'd encountered down at the lake in a situation like this had had tear tracks down their face and upon her arrival at the shore had promptly screamed a number of obscenities at her and then rushed off bawling like a baby, leaving Aliah thoroughly confused over the whole thing. But this boy didn't look like he was about to cry, she hoped. She grinned at him, looking up through her unruly hair.
'Oh yes, I find nothing helps it like smashing your grandparents' crockery,' she said jokingly, thinking of how therapeutic that had to be. That godamned china collection hurt her eyes everytime she saw it, and it was a goal amongst her and her brothers to be the first to smash a bowl or plate or tea cup.

Flipping the stone about in her fingers, she wondered what said idiotic brothers were doing at the moment. Big brother Nathaniel was probably off brooding somewhere, he got like this for a week or two after getting back from any family occasion. Probably due to the fact that he took the loss of their mother a little harder than she did, and felt the most personally insulted by their step-mothers's awful behaviour towards Aliah and Nate. Little brother Alec, son of said awful stepmother, was no doubt getting himself thrown in detention by doing something stupid with his gaggle of idiot mates. She couldn't yell at her half-brother for being an idiot though, that was like kicking a puppy. She should throw him in the lake instead.

'It's good its so cold down here, thats the only thing keeping everyone inside,' she agreed, nodding. 'Try being in the Ravenclaw common room after dinner, its absolute bloody chaos. All the first and second years congregate for wizard chess tournaments and get really into it. Pain in the butt when you're trying to study.' she sympathised, it was hard to find a quiet, empty spot at the school, so she couldn't exactly blame him for resenting her presence if he did, but Lee figured she was off the hook because he was talking to her. She grinned back at him as she poked about in the snow with her stick looking rather deflated as the tip snapped after she jammed it into a hollow. Throwing the stick behind her, she took out the mother-of-pearl piece from her pocket and held it up.

'Me? I was going to try to bribe the merpeople to get me an A on my 'Creatures paper, with this. Think it'll work?' she asked, before not waiting for an answer and cocking her arm, threw it out into the lake, where it send small ripples out along the surface. Amazingly, it floated, being as thin as it was.
'But other than that, same reason. I like it when it snows, so I thought I'd take a walk.'

His sudden movement into a standing position startled her a little, and she tilted her head as he spoke on. Blinking, she looked down at the snow, at her feet, and then back up to the boy, Theo, as he did his little bow. She laughed, putting a hand to her mouth.
'Teddy? That's an awful nickname,' she giggled, before dropping her hand and resuming a slightly more serious expression. 'Well, Theo, nice to meet you. I'm Aliah, but call me Lee. Aliah is what my step-mother calls me when I've done something wrong,' she added, making a face. Which in her step-mum's eyes, was often.

Not that she didn't deserve it sometimes. The bloody crockery made her eyes bleed, so it was hardly her fault.

[Theodore Maro Nott]

Welcome to my silly life

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Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
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He felt fidgety. No, that wasn’t the right word for it. He felt as if he was outside of his own body. He didn’t feel normal. It was almost like he was too busy trying to be someone else that he was losing pieces of himself. He felt his eyes freeze over for a bit as he focused his gaze out onto the lake. He could only wonder how everything around him made his eyes look. They were already a sharp shade of blue without having the white make them reflect so much more because of his pale skin. If he were in a worse mood, he could imagine how they would look. How they would make him seem so much more threatening than he actually was. It wasn’t as if Theo would bother to pick up a wand and purposely hex someone without a reason. No, when he was associating with people that made him want to hex them, he made sure he had a reason and that they knew it.

There was his father, for an example. If he was ever going to hex his father, and he would one day, he was going to make sure the man knew why he was doing what he was. A smirk appeared over his face before he turned to catch the end of what she was saying. He almost opened his mouth to ask why she would do that, but he changed his mind last minute. “Well, I have to admit I’ve never done that before.” He ran his hand through his hair, frowning a little when he remembered he had his gloves on so he couldn’t, exactly, run his fingers through it like he was used to. “Although, I guess that would have something more to do with the fact that I don’t exactly have grandparents, and all their belongings are stored in our vault, so I have nothing of theirs to destroy.” He shrugged with an innocent look on his face..

There were certainly a lot of things Theo could destroy. Unfortunately, there was nothing that could be smashed until Harry bloody Potter hurried up and finished the Dark Lord. Yes, he was pining for the Light side to win already. It wasn’t so much that he wanted to see majority of his friends end up in Azkaban, but he wanted to turn his father in so much that it was blinding him to everything else. Maybe, it was also the fact that he didn’t want to be a Death Eater. To be branded as if he were some sort of slave, and to be treated as one as well was not something he ever wanted to do. He already had enough trouble behaving himself whenever his father or, rarely, his mother would tell him to do something for them. Whether it was get them another cup full of brandy because the house elf was taking too long, or something just as trivial.

He shook his head when she suggested he tried the Ravenclaw common room. If there was a place worse than the Slytherin common room when one needed to study it was wherever there was a Ravenclaw around. “I’ll pass, thank you. I have enough trouble telling my ‘mates’ to go ‘study’ somewhere else.” He rolled his eyes and even bothered to use his fingers in the air to make quotations. He would hardly call majority of his fellow Slytherin mates. Maybe one or two of them because they weren’t a complete pain in the arse, like his actual friends, but majority of them he only talked to so that he would have connections whenever he graduated. “I don’t need to get studied to death. Fortunately, I’m usually in my dorm…But, you know how boring that’ll get.” He nodded his head and used the tone of voice he normally would have. A cold and bored one.

Theo winced when he heard his tone of voice before coughing awkwardly. That was just the sort of thing he was trying to avoid. Whenever ‘Lee’ spoke, however, he stared at her with disbelief clearly written on his face. “You didn’t drop that bloody class? How could you stand it with that giant oaf teaching you?” He asked, his eye twitching. He blinked twice before letting his head hang in embarrassment. “Sorry, I didn’t really mean that…” Except that he did. He had dropped that class as soon as possible. Not only did he hate getting wet, but he didn’t exactly like the creatures, either. “I don’t really like the snow.” He shrugged, taking one of his gloves out so that she could see how pale he was. “I blend in with it. My mates always crack jokes about it.” He rolled his eyes before snickering and nodding his head. “Tell me about it. It took me ages to convince them to stop.” He wiggled his eyebrows before nodding his head. “I know what you mean. It’s always ‘Theodore’ when my parents are angry.”

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Tagged;;

[/font][/color] Aliah
Words;;[/font][/color] 834
Notes;;[/font][/color] Bah, I always get yelled at. Lol.[/center]